Barry Hilton on Stupidity

A man after my own heart 😀

People should have to wear signs that just say’s, I’M STUPID, that way you wouldn’t rely on them would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything.  It would be like, “Excuse me… oops, never mind… Didn’t see your sign!”

It’s like before my boeta (brother) and I moved..  Our house was full of boxes and there was a Pickfords truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and choons (says), “Hey, you moving?”
“Noooit bru. (No mate)  We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign!”

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and this idiot on the ramp goes, “Hey, you catch all those fish?”  “Nooit cuzzi (No mate) Talked ’em into giving up.  Here’s your sign.”

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.  There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit.  And there’s only one way to test it.  “Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good…  They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you.”  “Well, alright, but hold my sign… I don’t wanna lose it.”

Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a petrol station.  The ‘pump jockey’ walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he choons (says), ” Tyre go flat?”  I couldn’t resist.  I said, “Nooit Baba (no brother) I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me.  Here’s your sign.”

I was trying to sell my ‘jammie’ (car) about a year ago.  A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes.  We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, “Jeepers, that’s hot!” See?  If he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him!

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days in the army. Wouldn’t you know I misjudged the height of a bridge.  The truck got stuck and I couldn’t get it out no matter how I tried.  I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report.  He went through his basic questioning… ok.. no problem.  I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign…until he asked “so… is your truck stuck?”  I couldn’t help myself…  I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back at him took my sign off and chooned (said), “No.  I’m delivering a bridge.  Here’s your sign…”

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, “Are you still here?”  I replied, “No.  I left about 10 minutes ago.  Here’s your sign.”

Anybody you know, need a sign today?

The next time someone says something stupid, you can ask them:  Where’s your sign?

25 thoughts on “Barry Hilton on Stupidity

  1. ROFL shhhh it’s a secret! Yeah in the process as a sideline to the “other” biz we have goin… what shall we call this one… Tomatoes and Brussels?

  2. lol…sometimes people are just stupid…including me..but i do it just to get on people’s nerves or pick up a conversation….but mostly to irritate people…like so you got 35 and flunked…or like…damn you are crying…but the one of my best lines is ” what did i ever do to you”…

  3. hahahahha! this happens all the time but your post made me laugh damn hard i almost fell out of my chair. hmmmm… i think we, filipinos, are famous for that too. if only i can explain all the incidences that require that sign. you know, the next time i’ll be placed in incidences like you mentioned, i think i will be remembering this post. i just hope people will not find me crazy if i’ll suddenly laugh all by myself.

  4. Lol there is insanity in sanity – I myself ask silly questions and often get funny answers… my mother always said “ask a silly question and you get a silly answer” This is how it has always been for me 🙂 Glad you all enjoyed it, some real life humour 😀

  5. pmsl – thanks! A good laugh is a great way to start the day.

    I have 2 young kids so my exposure to stupidity started early today. My son (8) is going through a bit of a grumpy phase so he likes to spread it around by acting stupid to wind us up.

    Leaving the house to take the kids to school I noticed some white stuff on the end of his nose. We have a rule in our house no cocaine before lunch so I’m guessing it was toothpaste. Standing in the hallway I tell him about the white stuff on the end of his nose and he starts with the stupid routine, where, how, what etc… At which point I choose not to bite and head for the car.

    In the car on the way to school I hear my daughter (12) tell him he’s got some white stuff on the end of his nose. In a real whiney voice he asks – “where?” Ok patience levels exceeded I can’t resist. So mimicking his whiney tone I say “What? Where’s your nose? It’s in the middle of your face!”

    Now in an aggrieved and whiney voice he says “no – where on my nose”. Now he’s really asked for it! So in the same aggrieved and whiney voice I say “gosh you better send out a search party if your nose is that big”. Then go on to do a 3-minute panto of Sir Walter Scott’s North Pole Exploration team searching helplessly on the vastness of his nose for the toothpaste.

    At which point fighting back tears he decides its better to bite his tongue and just clean his nose.

    I think it’s about attention seeking and an immature attempt at communicate with a tinge of fear of rejection.

    Love V

  6. ROFL – no coke before lunch! Can just see the Sir Walter panto oh man! Shame man I gather the tears were not from laughter at age 8 / 8) mine are though the funny side of life huh! Ah those grumpy phases of growing up make life interesting for the adults…

    I remember my brother asking my mother one day before her morning coffee, think he was around the same age… “Mom how come birds and bee’s can mate because the bee is really REALLY small… just don’t get it and don’t care what you say it just CAN’T work”… early mornings eish ouch!

  7. the tears from my daughter and I were from laughter. Today my sons weren’t. But I often find that making a joke out of it does make them laugh and breaks the cycle of doom 😉

  8. **GRINS WIDELY** Aye, sure – dont forget we are a family and your the eldest one therein **Stands with arms folded – giving the widest grining that is touching her ears** 🙂

  9. That is just brilliant. Brilliant. I miss our good old South African humour. You made my day. Thanks for that – no anger today. None at all. I’ll just walk around with my sign.

  10. Not so AngryAfrican 😀 lekker man glad it brought a smile to your face dang we do have some good words now don’t we… I mean chooon and nooit bru true classics!

  11. This was very funny!! I know there are days when I don’t leave home without my sign, but have encountered others who seem to have earned it!! Great way to start my morning!!! V.

  12. Glad you liked it V 😀 I’ve printed some signs out, one for my forehead and million’s to hand out… mind giving responses such as these… well… it can be fun 😀

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