The Qantas Gripe Sheet

Those who know me know that I love flying, this however is just brilliant. Living with a pilot I can truly appreciate the poor mechanics views… I think it’s a good thing that I’m not a Flight Mechanic is all I can say!

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet”, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a little person pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from little person

14 thoughts on “The Qantas Gripe Sheet

  1. That was funny..especially liked this one:

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a little person pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from little person

  2. Glad you enjoyed πŸ˜€ for me its the mouse in cockpit – too cute, when we brought our cat out from Saudi it had to sit with us up front… cat installed but didn’t seem to like marshmallow mice *shrug* πŸ˜€

  3. These are actual solutions recorded? It is truly funny but I find it hard to believe that this is what a sane and serious person wrote… πŸ˜‰

  4. Blacklin be sure it’s not only Qantas one day I will share some stories of the goings on at Saudi Airlines… you’ll fall off your chair!

    Ilegirl πŸ˜€ I’ve been wanting to post something on being British but I am wondering if it is too riskay and might offend … it starts like this : Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer… what you think?

    PI – You still have me laughing from your last comment and it’s before my morning coffee (unheard of)!!! πŸ˜€

  5. Robert – these were taken from a real gripe sheet also known as a In-Flight Check List. Perhaps the person that wrote it was more sane than our perception…

  6. That’s quite humorous. Those guys really have a sense of humor; I’m sure it makes it all the more safe for us as passengers if they enjoy their jobs. People who do not enjoy their work often become careless. This is a good sign to me. Thanks for the smile . . . Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

  7. I’ve been wanting to post something on being British but I am wondering if it is too riskay and might offend … it starts like this : Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer… what you think?

    We Americans laugh at ourselves all the time (everyone else laughs at Americans too, of course). If the Brits can’t take a bit of ribbing now and then, then phooey on them and their Chelsea Tractors! πŸ™‚

  8. ROFL you’ve been hanging around some I see… Chelsea Tractors! Literally laughing out loud! Shall post it tomorrow, will be interesting what gets added to the list πŸ˜€

    Cordie – you got it spot on, if you want a list of airlines not to fly on from my experience email me and I’ll let you know lol… don’t want libel suits going πŸ™‚ Flying is safer than driving a car… also from my experience lol

  9. What a riot! I guess humour keeps them on their toes, in such a high stress job. Whatever keeps them doing a good job, is fine with me………..

  10. Thanks for the posting. I read this somewhere years ago, and found it hillarious. Now I can share it with my friends.

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