Being British…

image Last week it was the South Africans, this week it is the British instigated by a certain person of British decent … I can take what I give and so in turn I donate to you these historical facts passed down to me by a Scotsman of great humour … to the person who commented I say … here is a Ruby Murray served with a cold Roger Starling darling πŸ˜€

BEING BRITISH

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? … Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

  • 3 Brit’s die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
  • 142 Brit’s were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
  • 58 Brit’s are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
  • 31 Brit’s have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
  • 19 Brit’s have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
  • British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
  • 18 Brit’s had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
  • A massive 543 Brit’s were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
  • 5 Brit’s were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally…

  • In 2000 eight Brit’s were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

(Please note that I deny the fact that my ancestors come from Britain, if you have heard such a rumour, it is FALSE… I swear it… I repeat… it is FALSE!!!)

I personally would like to add that out of all the countries I have visited, England has the biggest collection of “weird” town names. I once asked a friend where he stayed, his response was “I live in No Place“… “No where do you live?” I asked, he repeated “I live in No Place” … must be quite confusing giving directions to the taxi driver πŸ˜‰ … Even better is the town right near it called “Pity Me“… I can just imagine that conversation…

Now I have shown you some spectacular sign posts from South Africa, today I will show you some British ones in light of keeping with the theme for this week… Next week its the Americans πŸ˜€

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… No comment …

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Very secret it is Shhhhhhh!

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A beautiful pub in London…

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… It’s true you know…

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… think I should send one giant male baboon to this zoo…

13 thoughts on “Being British…

  1. With reference to No Place, there is a town outside Sheffield called Halfway. I have seen buses whose destination board simply reads “Halfway”; if you did not know the local geography this apparent failure to complete more than 50% the journey might seem indicative of failings in the public transport system.

  2. Persistent – lol I am yet to visit America but judging from the road signs alone I may agree with you – some are just hysterical! Nothing beats our fishing in the pothole though πŸ˜€

  3. Yes, I am in total agreement with persistentillusion; it does sound hauntingly American. ALthough, I have not read about fractured skulls while throwing up in the toilet; at least I can safely say that has NEVER happened to me (the fractured skull anyway….)!

  4. Thats why I love living here and I know your only jealous.

    Whats even funnier is that the whole world copied us and you all ended up better at it than we ever were πŸ˜‰

    I consider myself shlapped good and proper – Ill be back for maore tomorrow – lol

    Love V

  5. Brit – I can just picture a tourist sitting on good ol’ National Express with a ΓΌbber confused look on his face when they make stop at Halfway on his way to No Place… poetic to the extreme! πŸ˜€

    P.S. As if the public transport system needs an excuse, it sounds like a conspiracy to confuse tourists to me (It’s the places name we have no responsibility for our transport being 10 hours late)

  6. Vanessa – rofl I almost admitted something but alas please note that I have not and will not admit to anything… πŸ˜€

    Visionary – aye you had this one coming, I was even nice enough to warn you when that comment was made πŸ˜›

    As for copying you… it is more like re-engineering a car, it works better and has better performance… πŸ˜‰

    Ok I think I need to start running now… lucky for me I am South African which means I am fast πŸ˜› (hey you brought it up)

  7. That all sounded strangely familiar. As some have pointed out, it sounds like it could be America! The British went to America to do things better. I thought. πŸ™‚

  8. California is a little bland by comparison.

    We do, however, have the towns of Weed and Eureka. Both mining areas. The names give one an idea of the relative success of those mining efforts.

  9. Lol brilliant! I just could not imagine living in Weed or the UK town called Twatt – ok now have two places on earth that I’ll visit just to get photos of the sign boards πŸ˜€ (please note for the latter I won’t be standing next to it!!!)

    Are you all packed for your trip??? (am green)

  10. Queer bunch the Brits seem to be! πŸ˜‰

    Thought the double burger and large fries with diet coke was an American thing, no?

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