My world is an amazing place, just today from where I sit in my safe little house, I heard gun shots going off again, screeching cars, speeding cop cars and who knows what else but boy did they announce themselves. So I decided to read the news only to find myself shaking my head in feigned shock.
Huge headlines “Zim vote won’t be fair” – No kidding, thanks for sharing, we honestly didn’t know it would be anything but fair. I mean things are just perfect over there right? According to the South African president, one Mr Mbeki, there is no crisis in Zimbabwe, there is no unrest nor is there any reason to worry. We must believe our president, he is our leader after all.
Next headline says that he is going to have a spot of tea with his buddy, the one he walks around holding hands with, one Mr Mugabe. I wonder if he is going to go for a tour around the country and witness the 500,000 starving children on the streets or whether he will go visit the latest opposing party’s casualty who just happened to be attacked by large panga’s (swords) losing limbs… I wonder I do.
On a different note, perhaps not too different, I have a question… So Mugabe says that the opposing party, the MDC, will never rule in his life time. Why is it that they are still going to hold elections? Does Mugabe know perhaps something we don’t?
Oh yes, sorry, he had a massive shipment of arms just delivered *smacks herself on the head*
Zuma, the president of the leading party (I know confusing) is smiling, apparently the youth league are willing to kill for him, willing to die for him, willing to do what ever he wants, no questions asked. This reassures me I must say, I am so overjoyed that they will don’t believe in the saying “Where there is smoke there is fire”. If they did there would be so much unhappiness, well, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Thank goodness no one can see the smoke, back in the courts for corruption and possible bribery, his buddy Sheik’s appeal being thrown out for the hundredth time… phew I am so happy they can’t see the smoke, can you just imagine?
Hmmm and he was upset when the xenophobics chanted his song “Bring me my AK47, ttt ttt tttah!”… at least they are willing to kill for him *shrug*
Fuel prices are on the rise again, I am so relieved that the government is only increasing the tax portion and not the actual cost of the fuel. We are now going to be paying 40% of what we pay for fuel over to the rich government all the while our bankruptcy rates are up because. Who would’ve thought pay increases were necessary to the general public. Phew did you hear about Eskom (electricity) boss’ bonus? Apparently he did such a good job the country ran out of power, continually suffers from major black outs and they now have the opportunity of increasing the prices a measly 60%.
Oh dang, sorry, not allowed to call them black outs anymore, I meant periods without power as the newspaper said we should call it…. Hmmm I wonder how long black airwaves chewing gum will last seen as Tin Tin has now been banned…
Thumbs up for TAC our local AIDS activists took our Health Minister to court because she is following tge one and only Matthias Rath in his “Vitamins cures Aids” saga”. Apparently she is most upset about it but has said that she will not take the judgement handed down by the courts any further. Yeah, you know Matthias Rath, the guy that was thrown out of Netherlands, Germany, Austria, France and the USA… Before I forget it has just come to light that she is a convicted thief. Apparently she stole jewellery from patients in a Botswana hospital, she was thrown into the courts and now she is banned from ever entering there again. Yes, she is our Health Minister.
I don’t know, honestly I don’t. We’ve just had our “estimated” 50ieth living death. I think we now have the world record on this amazing miracle. Being dead with a beating heart is no mean feat folks, it takes practice beyond the imaginable. Though I must say it probably can be quite a pain when you want to collect your pension from the state as poor Andries found out “For quite a few months, I didn’t even know what I had died of”. If I was him I’d call up the coroner for sure and demand my autopsy report! The cheek of it!!! Please note that he is now known as “Late Andries”.
Don’t be too shocked if you read the papers and find yourself being transported back to the time of the Salem witch trials folks. Afraid to say that Kenya has picked up the trail a bitty late and so far has managed to capture 18 witches. What are they doing with the witches? Go read up on the history of Salem.
Please note that South Africa is actually quite a safe country. Our Postal Service is one of the best in the world I’ll have you know. So good that Amazon has now blacklisted it. Yip, you heard that right. Amazon has officially taken South Africa off its shipping destinations list. To be honest, I am quite shocked that it took them so long, considering 10 years ago we watched a special bulletin of the staff caught on CCTV cameras opening all packages and taking what they wanted. Now I have been thinking about this and I’ve always wanted to do a little bit of “pay back”. What is the freakiest thing you can think of to ship? This post is not PG rated so you must rather use your imagination and ten to one what I am thinking of shipping here is 100 times worse 😉
But can you just imagine their faces as they go through the parcel???
South Africa is the top destination in Africa… No other African country’s postal service had been blacklisted by Amazon… *shrug*
Please note, in the words of our dear president who must be trusted, honoured and bowed down to… “We do not have a crime problem, we do not have an AIDS problem, HIV is not related to AIDS, There is no crisis in Zimbabwe, I am not friends with Mugabe, We do not have an electricity problem, There is no xenophobic unrest nor is there a problem”
I agree Mr President, I agree whole heartedly
*bows and kisses his pedicured feet*