Welcome to my world…

My world is an amazing place, just today from where I sit in my safe little house, I heard gun shots going off again, screeching cars, speeding cop cars and who knows what else but boy did they announce themselves. So I decided to read the news only to find myself shaking my head in feigned shock.

Huge headlines “Zim vote won’t be fair” – No kidding, thanks for sharing, we honestly didn’t know it would be anything but fair. I mean things are just perfect over there right? According to the South African president, one Mr Mbeki, there is no crisis in Zimbabwe, there is no unrest nor is there any reason to worry. We must believe our president, he is our leader after all.

Next headline says that he is going to have a spot of tea with his buddy, the one he walks around holding hands with, one Mr Mugabe. I wonder if he is going to go for a tour around the country and witness the 500,000 starving children on the streets or whether he will go visit the latest opposing party’s casualty who just happened to be attacked by large panga’s (swords) losing limbs… I wonder I do.

On a different note, perhaps not too different, I have a question… So Mugabe says that the opposing party, the MDC, will never rule in his life time. Why is it that they are still going to hold elections? Does Mugabe know perhaps something we don’t?

Oh yes, sorry, he had a massive shipment of arms just delivered *smacks herself on the head*

Zuma, the president of the leading party (I know confusing) is smiling, apparently the youth league are willing to kill for him, willing to die for him, willing to do what ever he wants, no questions asked. This reassures me I must say, I am so overjoyed that they will don’t believe in the saying “Where there is smoke there is fire”. If they did there would be so much unhappiness, well, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Thank goodness no one can see the smoke, back in the courts for corruption and possible bribery, his buddy Sheik’s appeal being thrown out for the hundredth time… phew I am so happy they can’t see the smoke, can you just imagine?

Hmmm and he was upset when the xenophobics chanted his song “Bring me my AK47, ttt ttt tttah!”… at least they are willing to kill for him *shrug*

Fuel prices are on the rise again, I am so relieved that the government is only increasing the tax portion and not the actual cost of the fuel. We are now going to be paying 40% of what we pay for fuel over to the rich government all the while our bankruptcy rates are up because. Who would’ve thought pay increases were necessary to the general public. Phew did you hear about Eskom (electricity) boss’ bonus? Apparently he did such a good job the country ran out of power, continually suffers from major black outs and they now have the opportunity of increasing the prices a measly 60%.

Oh dang, sorry, not allowed to call them black outs anymore, I meant periods without power as the newspaper said we should call it…. Hmmm I wonder how long black airwaves chewing gum will last seen as Tin Tin has now been banned…

Thumbs up for TAC our local AIDS activists took our Health Minister to court because she is following tge one and only Matthias Rath in his “Vitamins cures Aids” saga”. Apparently she is most upset about it but has said that she will not take the judgement handed down by the courts any further. Yeah, you know Matthias Rath, the guy that was thrown out of Netherlands, Germany, Austria, France and the USA… Before I forget it has just come to light that she is a convicted thief. Apparently she stole jewellery from patients in a Botswana hospital, she was thrown into the courts and now she is banned from ever entering there again. Yes, she is our Health Minister.

I don’t know, honestly I don’t. We’ve just had our “estimated” 50ieth living death. I think we now have the world record on this amazing miracle. Being dead with a beating heart is no mean feat folks, it takes practice beyond the imaginable. Though I must say it probably can be quite a pain when you want to collect your pension from the state as poor Andries found out “For quite a few months, I didn’t even know what I had died of”. If I was him I’d call up the coroner for sure and demand my autopsy report! The cheek of it!!! Please note that he is now known as “Late Andries”.

Don’t be too shocked if you read the papers and find yourself being transported back to the time of the Salem witch trials folks. Afraid to say that Kenya has picked up the trail a bitty late and so far has managed to capture 18 witches. What are they doing with the witches? Go read up on the history of Salem.

Please note that South Africa is actually quite a safe country. Our Postal Service is one of the best in the world I’ll have you know. So good that Amazon has now blacklisted it. Yip, you heard that right. Amazon has officially taken South Africa off its shipping destinations list. To be honest, I am quite shocked that it took them so long, considering 10 years ago we watched a special bulletin of the staff caught on CCTV cameras opening all packages and taking what they wanted. Now I have been thinking about this and I’ve always wanted to do a little bit of “pay back”. What is the freakiest thing you can think of to ship? This post is not PG rated so you must rather use your imagination and ten to one what I am thinking of shipping here is 100 times worse πŸ˜‰

But can you just imagine their faces as they go through the parcel???

South Africa is the top destination in Africa… No other African country’s postal service had been blacklisted by Amazon… *shrug*

Please note, in the words of our dear president who must be trusted, honoured and bowed down to… “We do not have a crime problem, we do not have an AIDS problem, HIV is not related to AIDS, There is no crisis in Zimbabwe, I am not friends with Mugabe, We do not have an electricity problem, There is no xenophobic unrest nor is there a problem”

I agree Mr President, I agree whole heartedly

*bows and kisses his pedicured feet*

22 thoughts on “Welcome to my world…

  1. Thank you for educating me on this issue. I am the CIO of YOBI, and would be honored if you would make this post in our United Nations discussion forums. Our address is http://www.yobi.tv/yobiworld . We are hoping to create a truly international discussion of the issues that face our global community, and you can add important things to add to that discussion.

  2. I read almost all of your posts and rarely feel that I have something to add. Much the same with this one.

    Just wanted to let you know that I’m here.

  3. Dito PI’s comment. I’m like Lindsey on this one. . . I simply know not what to say. And here I was believing it was your fears that was causing all this madness (just kidding (wink) (huggs). Anywho, you know I’m here as a sounding board whenever you need it; I wish I could do more. PLL, CordieB.

  4. Lol Cordie! You’ve gone and given me the giggles girlfriend!!! Thanks you, all is well, this is my life and what I am used to – the barstewards won’t get me down!

  5. Yup! Dr. Beetroot. The infamous drunk… Come on, she deserves a post all by herself! They should have treated her liver disease with garlic.
    Anyway, considering this plethora of non-issues, I bet the soccer World Cup organizers are pretty much on the verge of little heart attacks by now. Perhaps Rath could ship them some vitamin supplements…

  6. Oh what a splendid idea! His killer vitamins are the rage, perhaps it would mean they’d actually get a stadium built with all that extra vooma being injected into their veins… it’s no wonder half of the soccer World cup organising “team” have emigrated to Australia (poor sods).

    Oh dang forgot to mention the Politian that got stabbed in the neck this week by a sane person!

  7. So what is it that you would put in the mail package, Sanity? I can think of some pretty nasty stuff but you assure us that your idea is 100 times worse.

    I’m dying to hear it…

  8. How sad our world is. The corruption, greed, and suffering. Sadder still that we look the other way from it, and think that it is none of our business.

    Our world is a very small place. And until we learn that we are all in this together we will continue this type of horrendous circumstance and allow “leaders” like this to emerge.

    Thank you as always for educating us all of these horrors in your sharp, witty way!

  9. Amber, it is indeed incredibly sad but alas it is also each of ours challenge. What we do with the reality is up to us at the end of the day, as you know the above is but a mere abridged version of that.

    Thanks for your kind words hun, I am off to go kiss Mr Mbeki’s feet I just hope he cleaned them because he’s been walking through quite a bit of ignoranious-bullshiticus <– the worst virus to hit the planet!

  10. Robert, aye what can you do *shrug* Heard tonight that our Chief of Justice, top doggidy dog of all “justice”, is now being thrown in to jail.

    Apparently he’s being taking bribes for the political and other major cases… one has to really laugh though because he is following in the footsteps of all the rest and claiming it to be racism… Personally I think he should look into getting some major eye surgery for the fact that the guys investigating or the same race as he is *shrug*

  11. Just between you and me I think that’s already in the mix, just today another lot of politicians were arrested for “intimidation and assault”

    Hmmm no more reading newspapers for me I thinks πŸ™‚

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