They won’t always be like that
They will change
I know they will
They’ve had a hard life, you can’t blame them
They are suffering
I know that it won’t be long before they snap out of it
I just know it
It’s only a phase
They love me I know they do, deep down they do
They will change
They’re never going to change, sure there are reasons for them being the way they are BUT is it really making them the way they are. It is only not a choice when someone is psychologically ill.
The truth is only the snake can stop being a snake, only they can decide to get help or to change their ways, only they can, not you nor I can do it for them. There is no such thing as a Snake Whisperer, there never was, there never will be.
We go for years trying to “fix” the other person to the point that it can become an obsession. Just one more chance, one more try, they’ll come around… they never do.
What if instead of helping them slay their demons we are feeding them with our “what if’s” and “one day soon’s”.
It doesn’t matter who they are, husband, your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, sibling… a snake is a snake.
Problem comes in with the fact that you can’t divorce your parents nor your siblings. Sure you can “leave” them, stop all communication, etc but the need is greater. The need to have that “family” love, sometimes that need can be so strong that we forget common sense all together, we dress the snake up in sheep’s wool.
Slay or feed?
From experience, without realising it I have been feeding a snake, a very big snake, in my life. All the “wants” I have succumbed to and I am not proud of the fact either.
What makes the snake in my life so sick?
- The need to control due to the fact that in their own “lives” they have none. These instances can be subtle ladled with guilt and oozing possession.
- Low self-esteem causing them to belittle the other in public and in private to the point of ridiculous. This can also cause them to belittle any achievement and to enhance all failures, once again both in public and private.
- Pity, making statements to evoke pity and attention thereby putting their hope of ever attaining happiness in your hands. I can’t think of the correct term for this.
- Low self-image. That is workable on its own but when the person can not admit to failure within themselves or their actions it can get to narcissistic levels. Others then get the blame.
That is all sugar coated “with words” emotional abuse that can make a person so scared to put a toe out of line that they become quivering wrecks. Second guessing becomes second nature if not first, low self-esteem becomes contagious and soon you end up being just a shell at their beck and call.
Snakes come in many different shapes and sizes…
My snake is trying to get better, they asked for forgiveness, they show remorse and an inkling of understanding regarding their actions. <– Who am I kidding?
I’ve held on to the belief that my snake would change because I have craved that “love”. I have held on to the idea that it is not only possible it is also attainable and because of that I have forgiven each trespass and accepted it as if it were fate and truth.
They suck you dry.
We all get to a point where our hopes and dreams of people becoming who we hoped they would be die a withering death.
My snake is who they are, they will never change, they will always be the same.
They will always be that way until they choose to change, until they choose to get help, until they realise just what they are doing to those that love them.
My snake realised once
My snake never really changed
How is yours? Any change?
It is good to mourn the loss of an ideal that will never actualise. I mourn the loss but I now accept the snake for what it is…
We all want to be loved, we all have that basic need … sometimes that need is so strong we forget to love ourselves.
A hard life doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch/bastard
I’m done trying to whisper to snakes, their fangs never become blunt just sharper.