F/H: How to be Politically Correct

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BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH WOMEN

  • She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
  • She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
  • She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
  • She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
  • She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
  • She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
  • She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
  • She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
  • She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
  • She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE
  • She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
  • She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
  • She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
  • She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT.
  • She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  • She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  • She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
  • She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
  • She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
  • She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH MEN

  • He does not have a FAT BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
  • He is not a CRAP DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
  • He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
  • He does not SLEEP AROUND – He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
    He is not BALDING – He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
  • He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
  • He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK – He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
  • He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
  • He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
  • He does not STINK – He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
  • He is not a GROPING PERVERT – He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
  • He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS – He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
  • He does not IGNORE YOU – He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
  • He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB – He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
  • He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES – He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
  • He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

5 thoughts on “F/H: How to be Politically Correct

  1. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!

    Been laughing my ass off for a while now! 😀
    Detour off the information superhighway!! Priceless!! 😀
    I’m gonna spread this post around! Absolutely hilarious!!

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