You know you are addicted to coffee if:
People get dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse