F/H: CV Quotes

These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the Fortune Magazine a couple of years ago:

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

8. “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

16. “My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

22. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”

23. “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

25. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

26. “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

And from personal experience… “I worked as a porn star in adult films” this guy was applying for a high profile engineering job, sadly he didn’t make the grade.

3 thoughts on “F/H: CV Quotes

  1. “And from personal experience… ”I worked as a porn star in adult films” this guy was applying for a high profile engineering job, sadly he didn’t make the grade.”

    On his initial interview the person reviewing his application said to him: “You look familiure. Have we met before?” 🙂

  2. Ha! Ha! Very funny! I used to manage a company and was in charge of hiring. It is amazing how many kids graduate from high school not knowing how to spell! We kept the really funny ones in a special folder (I should have swiped it when I left!)

  3. mssc54 roflmao yeah can just see it now – see I wanted to interview him for the laugh, my colleagues as well but alas the top boss who’s position it was for said “Well if it was a woman then we can talk but no” … spoil sport!

    Nathalie Hah! We did the same, having a bad day – go read the folder… ah the memories, spelling and punctuation can b dangerous things to get wrong on a CV! welcome back!

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