1.  CONSTIPATED PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

2.  PRACTICE SAFE SEX, GO SCREW YOURSELF.

3.  WHO LIT THE FUSE ON YOUR TAMPON?

4.  IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN ORAL SEX, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

5.  IF THAT PHONE WAS UP YOUR BUTT, MAYBE YOU COULD DRIVE A LITTLE BETTER.

6.  TO ALL YOU VIRGINS:  THANKS FOR NOTHING.

7.  IMPOTENCE:  NATURE’S WAY OF SAYING “NO HARD FEELINGS”.

8.  HORN BROKEN … WATCH FOR FINGER.

9.  IF YOU’RE NOT A HAEMORRHOID, GET OFF MY ASS.

10. YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES ONLY TALK TO ME.

11.  EARTH IS FULL  –  GO HOME.

12.  I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD … BUDDHA

13.  CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.

14.  THE FACE IS FAMILIAR BUT I CAN’T QUITE REMEMBER MY NAME.

15.  EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY.

16.  HONK IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF.

17.  COVER ME, I’M CHANGING LANES.

18.  HE WHO HESITATES IS NOT ONLY LOST BUT MILES FROM THE NEXT EXIT.

19.  I REFUSE TO HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS WITH AN UNARMED PERSON.

20.  I DO WHATEVER MY RICE CRISPIES TELL ME TO.

21.  IF SEX IS A PAIN IN THE ASS, YOU’RE DOING IT THE WRONG WAY.

22.  FIGHT CRIME:  SHOOT BACK!

23.  GUYS:  NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE.  GALS:  NO SHIRT, NO CHARGE.

24.  NECROPHILIA:  THAT UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO CRACK OPEN A COLD ONE.

25.  BOLDLY GOING NOWHERE

26.  CAUTION:  DRIVER LEGALLY BLONDE.

27   HOW MANY ROADS MUST A MAN TRAVEL DOWN BEFORE HE ADMITS HE IS LOST?

28.  IF YOU CAN’T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, RIDDLE THEM WITH BULLETS.

29.  MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING, BUT IT SURE KEEPS THE KIDS IN TOUCH

30.  SAW IT … WANTED IT … HAD A FIT .. GOT IT!!!

31.  ALL MEN ARE ANIMALS, SOME JUST MAKE BETTER PETS.

32.  I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT IT BROKE.

33.  WANTED:  MEANINGFUL OVERNIGHT RELATIONSHIP.

34.  I NEED SOMEONE REALLY BAD … ARE YOU REALLY BAD?

35.  BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEER HOLDER.

36.  MONEY ISN’T THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, BUT IT RATES RIGHT UP THERE WITH OXYGEN.