Merrily walking into the bedroom setting up the laptop for some bedtime writing and there it sat with its four eyes and big butt, the monster. As my eyes laid sight on it I could feel my palms begin to get clammy and my heart beat adopted a rhythm faster than a bad 90’s “rave” (don’t ask).
This is what befell me on this barmy eve, the monster with 8 legs and four eyes… I didn’t stop to count teeth and one big butt!
There I stood frozen, survival instinct on hold as the realisation of the monster filtered through the brain waves. The body started to react and I looked down at Sidka, perhaps he would be brave enough to bark the thing into thing air, disintegrate it for us like one bark boom bang kapoof all gone. Notta chance, our eyes met and then we ran for it before the monster could get us!
He’s a sweetheart but a wimp as I found out tonight, no spider catching for him uh huh nope. He went and hid under the Dinning room table and I headed to the garage for the screw shooter thing (power tool that shoots those things into the wall like a gun… you know… those things). No sharp object shooter to be found I grabbed an old extra large mayo jar and ran bag, this time with an extendable broom in hand as well.
I would’ve thought the monster would be shaking in his hairy boots at the sight of me… nooooo… there it sat with its big butt and teeth, not a care in the world. Popped a few herbal calmer’s (I don’t think you understand how scared I am of spiders) and then slowly extend the broom handle towards it. Slowly, ever so slowly, I started poking the monster in its tummy. At first it refused to budge, it just stared at me with its four eyes and a glint I swear was a dare…
One last dash with the broom stick and whoooop it flew into the air and landed with a bang on the floor by the bed. Sidka and I did the look thing again and out we ran. *breathe* The monster was trying to hide. I crept in while scaredy-cat-dog hid behind the door (I am not kidding), yip, the monster was hiding by the curtain. A few more prods with the broom stick and the chase was on. Shit, this thing should’ve been running for South Africa in the Olympics it was so fast. Hah, you think I’m kidding, no, I’m not talking the long distance 10km jog here… no sireeeee, I’m talking 100m sprints with a bit of hurdles mixed in.
The hurdles were naturally my barefooted toes
Monster now in the jar, Whimpass and I took him into the kitchen and put him on the counter to have a little chat about espionage and the likely hood of his mates coming to find him. He refused to communicate and went as far as to pull a few fingers at us.
I looked down at Sidka and we just knew, there was no getting nothink out this monster of ours. Sidka then tried his squint eye look to frighten the monster. That didn’t work either.
Here’s a side profile of the jarred grotesque 8 legged, four eyed, big butted monster…
We are now wondering, Sidka aka Whimpass and I, on how to get this here monster out of the jar extraditing it back into its own land. What if it tries to fly back in through the door? What if it jumps at us? What if it finds its friends and comes back while we SLEEP???
So now he sits, this hairy monster of ours, in a mayonnaise jar
… Tonight we sleep with one eye open, the Whimpass and me …