• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
 
Sanityfound
  • Home
  • About SF
  • Dictionary: SanityFound
  • Travel
    • Eco Tourism
      • Wildlife Parks & Sanctuaries
    • America
      • Arizona
      • Florida
      • California
        • Napa, California
        • San Fransisco, California
        • Santa Rosa
    • United Kingdom
      • England
  • Expat Files
  • Life
  • Ubuntu Story
  • Contact me

Sanityfound

  • Home
  • About SF
  • Dictionary: SanityFound
  • Travel
    • Eco Tourism
      • Wildlife Parks & Sanctuaries
    • America
      • Arizona
      • Florida
      • California
        • Napa, California
        • San Fransisco, California
        • Santa Rosa
    • United Kingdom
      • England
  • Expat Files
  • Life
  • Ubuntu Story
  • Contact me

In Fun/Humour

F/H: CV Quotes

250 Views 3 Comments

F/H: CV Quotes Pin It

These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the Fortune Magazine a couple of years ago:

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

8. “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

16. “My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

22. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”

23. “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

25. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

26. “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

And from personal experience… “I worked as a porn star in adult films” this guy was applying for a high profile engineering job, sadly he didn’t make the grade.

Share this:

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...
cv quotesemploymentfunfunnyhumourjob interviewjokelaughwork
Share

3

You may also like

View Post

It’s a beautiful day!

View Post

Hilarious Demetri Martin Quotes

3 Comments

  1. mssc54
    •
    12 years ago

    “And from personal experience… ”I worked as a porn star in adult films” this guy was applying for a high profile engineering job, sadly he didn’t make the grade.”

    On his initial interview the person reviewing his application said to him: “You look familiure. Have we met before?” 🙂

    Loading...
    Reply
  2. nathaliewithanh
    •
    12 years ago

    Ha! Ha! Very funny! I used to manage a company and was in charge of hiring. It is amazing how many kids graduate from high school not knowing how to spell! We kept the really funny ones in a special folder (I should have swiped it when I left!)

    Loading...
    Reply
  3. SanityFound
    •
    12 years ago

    mssc54 roflmao yeah can just see it now – see I wanted to interview him for the laugh, my colleagues as well but alas the top boss who’s position it was for said “Well if it was a woman then we can talk but no” … spoil sport!

    Nathalie Hah! We did the same, having a bad day – go read the folder… ah the memories, spelling and punctuation can b dangerous things to get wrong on a CV! welcome back!

    Loading...
    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post

F/H: Wrong E-mail Address!

In Fun/Humour

F/H: Wrong E-mail Address!

View Post

Next Post

[place your politicians name here]

In Charity

[place your politicians name here]

View Post

About Sanityfound

Often known as a tad crazy I come from Cape Town, South Africa. Started travelling abroad at 16, lived in a number of countries, have gone to over 250 concerts & festivals and… Honestly I never feel more alive than when I am on an adventure, experiencing a new country or trying some wacky food!

Follow Me!

Looking for something?

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,435 other subscribers

Latest Ramblings

In Humans

Covid-19 bringing Ubuntu back?

View Post

Humpty Dumpty

In Life's Lessons

The truth about being Humpty Dumpty

View Post

In Life

Kicking the Negative Stones of Life

View Post

In America

African in America: First Impressions

View Post

function WP_Widget::widget() must be overridden in a subclass.