This Job Application was written by Greg Bulmash over at BrainHandles, thanks for the laughs, you’re a legend!
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald’s in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be and Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
vishesh
•15 years ago
lol ;P
Joy
•15 years ago
OMG…LMAO at this: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Almost had me wet my pants!!!!
mssc54
•15 years ago
I think this guy worked for me in 2006. He had really bad breath. 🙂
SanityFound
•15 years ago
*does partay dance* almost got you to spit your coffee admit it Joy!
Mssc54 its all the McDonalds coffee he stole from you!
Greg Bulmash
•15 years ago
Actually, it was written by a 28-year-old web designer in 1997. I should know. That’s my name on the application.
Look it up on Snopes.
P.S.: mssc54, I never worked for you and I do not have bad breath.
glaize
•15 years ago
Now isn’t that sweet of the boy??? Hehehe…
SanityFound
•15 years ago
Greg you are one funny guy, thanks for the laugh this was just excellent! May the humour never end!
mssc54
•15 years ago
Greg… I didn’t say you DEFINATELY worked for me… it must have been your long lost twin brother you were seperated from at birth.
I could try to look him up if you want.