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Sanityfound

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In Life's opinion

F/H: Real notes to British milkmen

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imageDear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today. Please don’t leave any more milk.

All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but no bread today.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I’ve been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday’s note. I didn’t mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV’s broken down and I missed last night’s Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don’t want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in ‘fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don’t leave any milk. No milk.

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5 Comments

  1. froggywoogie
    •
    12 years ago

    Poor milkmen, I didn’t know they had to face such demands lol

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  2. holeycheese
    •
    12 years ago

    ROFL =) Where do you get everything from??

    I’m sorry about Nessa =(

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  3. Joy
    •
    12 years ago

    I was going to ask where you get all these from too but Holeycheese beat me to it. These are great.

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  4. ilegirl
    •
    12 years ago

    Very funny! Milkman must be a terribly demanding job!

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  5. SanityFound
    •
    12 years ago

    Glad you all enjoyed! I get them in my inbox from friends, see I know crazier people than me!

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About Sanityfound

Often known as a tad crazy I come from Cape Town, South Africa. Started travelling abroad at 16, lived in a number of countries, have gone to over 250 concerts & festivals and… Honestly I never feel more alive than when I am on an adventure, experiencing a new country or trying some wacky food!

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