Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: “Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that.” Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t forewarned.”

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The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny’s turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. “What’s that?” the teacher asked, puzzled. “It’s a period.” – “Well, I see that, but what’s exciting about a period?” – “Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one… Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself.”

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An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.

Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, “If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn’t fall like that.

The old man looked up and replied, “If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus.”

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“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?”
“One dollar.” answered little Johnny
“You don’t know your basic math.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”