God… Can I never be an adult?

Growing up that was my only prayer to a God that never answered my pleas, a God I thought had forgotten me. Religion is a strange thing and I will not get onto it tonight, those that know me know my views on it and how I feel, so count yourself lucky for now, I doubt I will ever get into my views on it in here so relax lol…

From an early age I learnt that adults weren’t to be trusted, that they were selfish and children were just there to be their outlet in what ever way that was and is. Adults seem to choose the responsibility of having children and yet when they have them so often they don’t want them, they cast them aside for the next love, the next conquest, the next drink only to wake up every now and then and remind them that they are in fact there. Before I continue, I must just state that my views on adults is not based on anyone but my parents, singular, both, step, foster and voluntary, no one else within my current life.

Growing up I used to look at the other kids and thought that there were two different kinds of grown-ups, those that were just grown-ups and those that were adults. Some showed their children the love they needed, craved and deserve while the adults didn’t.

Adults as a word embodies responsibility, it even means it, but for me it never did. As I got older I started to realise that it wasn’t only the ones I knew that were like that but that it was rather an epidemic of sorts. Everywhere I went I saw kids whose parents either abandoned them, left them to bring themselves up, abused them in all the forms possible or and in some cases “and” just plain neglected them using them as their outlet for the wrongs done to them. I always believed that it was my fault and that it was because of who I am but when I saw that there were many of us out there I realised the true wickedness of the Adults.

You may sit there as you read this and wonder what on earth I am going on about, you may wonder even if I have lost my mind… no… if you look around you… look in the papers, in the streets, at the families you know you will notice these two types of grown-ups and adults. They are everywhere which means the epidemic that reins the earth will never end no matter how hard the government tries to stop it, it never will. No I am not being negative in the slightest just realistic.

I will always have the questions running through my head, will always wonder “if I was different would none of what had happened”… When I think of all the children out there being brought up, or rather not, by adults it fills me with anger, fills my soul with such sadness to the point where tears run down my cheeks at the injustice of the world of Adults on children.

What is my story? It is inconsequential in comparison to so many others out there, we all have our crosses to bare, we all have our darkness, mine is a lot like so many others… it is all relative in the end, at the end of the day a child’s worst enemy is the adult and it is an enemy that will never go away.

My only wish and only pray is that if ever I have children I will not be as the adults I have known in my life, this is my greatest wish and my greatest fear…

… just another rambling by a wondering soul…

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