Some days I just want to press Fast Forward never mind pressing Pause! Pause? What’s that? Come on, you have to be kidding! Pause? Bugger that sorry mate, catch a wake up and grab a stronger coffee because your current flava isn’t cutting it!

Pause?

Ok a few times I have sat back and searched high and low for the rewind button but generally that is for something really stupid that I have done or if I have hurt someone’s feelings.

Pause?

For some reason I push myself harder when I am ill.  It is almost as if the buttons in my brain get confused and I speed up instead of slowing down.  You want the most work out of me, wait till I am sick and I pump it out, I am more focused and the worst? I EAT

I get the munchies like anything when I am ill, normally I don’t eat much, I eat when I am hungry and that is that – one of the reasons I loved living alone so much.  When I am sick it is a whole different ball game, I crave! Today I had four slices of bread, I normally have one to none, chocolate? erm ok I had a whole slab (my bad), Cookies? erm guilty I had ginger ones CRAVED!

My body is trying to tell me so many things but I have never stopped long enough to listen to its call. It is almost as if my psyche gets scared of hearing what it’s saying and speeds up in order to not hear the body’s mutterings!

What is my body saying?

Slow down and feed me.

I hate to admit it but when I am stressed I kind of forget to eat.  Food doesn’t come into my thought or brain processes, I skip over that and just forget.  That might upset some but that is just the way it is.  If I don’t eat then my body can’t heal and fight this bug that’s infected its vessel, this human.  Without that extra energy or nutrients it just feeds off itself and starts disappearing becoming weaker and weaker.

Much like the human mind? Our souls?

If we go through our days not feeding our brains, not taking note of the bugs that lie within our recesses, what happens? Do they react like our bodies to illness and lack of food?

If we have something plaguing our hearts or souls and we leave it dormant not paying it any attention it can fester.  The longer we leave it the greater the infection and in turn pain.

If we don’t feed our minds and souls the right vitamins, the right stuff to help us grow and expand, to evolve and learn, how will we ever become who we are meant to become? whole?

Truth is, we are a running world, we see a problem we run, very rarely do we face it head on.  It doesn’t matter who you are, there is always that one thing that we don’t allow to surface.  Sometimes we don’t even consciously know it’s existence but its there.

If we never allow ourselves the opportunity to heal, to grow, to learn, if we rebel or believe that we are above it all, what happens then?

There are no hospitals for our souls, there are no doctors to turn to you and say “You have 3 traumatic experiences that you have never dealt with, to hospital you go for 5 injections daily and bed pans”. There are no hospitals for the soul, we are the only doctors that can work with what we have.

Now those real doctors, well, they have really big needles.  Seeing one of them is still up for debate but alas, I am the only one that can mend my spirit and I am the only one that can face it.

Sometimes our bodies just go “Pause, breathe, feel, mend” we get frustrated and push against it but it’s pointless. Sometimes its not our bodies telling us to pause but our souls. Sometimes it’s both, it all depends on whether you are listening or not.

Pause?

Ok just this once