There is something to be said about the nether regions of the canine species. For some reason they are able to emit the biggest variety of odours known to mankind.
Yesterday I got ready and put a guided meditation CD in to the “box” and let the intro calm me. My eyes closed I started to follow the breathing, slowly, in, out, in, out.
With each breath I went deeper into the calmative state. I was relaxed and the monkey mind was finally becoming still once more. Then it hit me, the sweet fruity stench of dog fart. Yes, you read that right, I am talking dog fart.
The meditation CD had put once sitting pooch into a horizontal position with four paws to the air and butt pointed in my direction. At this point in time I gave the meditation disc kudos, I was unaware that dogs could meditate as well.
Just as I was thinking these profound thoughts on meditating pets a slow rumble started once more from the nether regions of pooch. Once more the stench hit me between the eyes causing me to do a double take. *note to self do NOT feed pooch that food again*. My calm was slipping.
How do you breathe deep breaths with dog fart in the air? I tried to move pooch so that his nether’s pointed in a more polite direction but he wasn’t budging. It seemed he was still in a very deep meditative state totally unaware of the sense chaos he had and was causing! I finally gave up and that was when he started talking.
I am not kidding
There he lay king farter of all farty pooches talking and using whole words. Yes it wasn’t barks or those moaning noises they sometimes make, these were definitive “words” and no it was not English, it was poochlish.
I digress
Meditating dog not to be disturbed, or rather unable to be disturbed, it is time for me to try once more, after all the air had started to clear from his atom bombs.
I restart the CD, get into position and close my eyes. Just as I take the first guided breathe a volcanic explosion of gas proportions lets rip from peaceful “I meditate” pooch passed out on the floor. Now admittedly the the last thing I had at this point was zen for it seemed he’d saved that one up just for me.
Enough was enough, I started to wrack my brains. First thoughts were wine stoppers as a plug, then I thought no, wait, you can’t do that to a dog in fear of it suffering from gas poisoning. Second option was to hire a crane and get it transported outside where it could fumigate the daffodils. Apparently it was a busy day and no cranes were for hire. Option three, find mask to put over mouth and nose that will prevent one said pooch stench from reaching the flavour buds.
Option 3 it was, I got out the face mask (each household should at least have one of) and got back into position. Now I was ready, pooches farts weren’t gonna bring me down, no, I was going to meditate and that was it.
What I have learned/realised:
- My sense of smell surpasses my sense of hearing. Once I switched off the nose I did not hear the gas explosions only felt their vibrations.
- Always keep a gas mask close by when you either own a male or a dog
- Dogs can meditate
- They can mediate better than me with my monkey mind
- Their grasp of poochlish while in a meditative state is very advanced.
- The stench of a pooch fart can stick to your clothes, your hair, everything.
- It is possible for your nose hairs to be singed by aroma’s
Moral of the story?
Don’t meditate with your dog unless you have a face mask on or at the very least one close by.
Amber
•15 years ago
Yay… I just knew you’d find your personality and sense of humor. Im laughing so damn hard tears are rolling down my face. I hope he stunk you out good. Please now go shower… you reek! rofl!!!
Hayden Tompkins
•15 years ago
Find it indeed.
froggywoogie
•15 years ago
Hahahahahahahahaahaha it’s so funny!!!!!!
At least your house is safe from burglars Lol
donstuff
•15 years ago
Ouch…
SanityFound
•15 years ago
Amber huns do you recall what your morning breath is like? roflmao bottled dog fart added to our range of killer smells? haha
Hayden you want an Alaskan Malamute? He’s yours I swear it, will ship asap!
Froggywoogie aye they are petrified… we leave our windows open so that the warning signal smells can surround our house. We don’t even bother with our burglar bars, security gates, alarms and lasers any more it is that potent!
Donstuff Yers I need a nose replacement asap!!!
DM
•15 years ago
On Sunday we were @ some friends, sitting around the kitchen table, having some great conversation when I smelled something nasty…(just between you and I, I suspected one of the other 3 had passed gas..but being the tactful person I am I just ignored it)…10 minutes later, the hostess cried out “Jackson”, referring to her dog/mutt sitting under the table, apparently, she’d heard her dog rip another one off..(along with that same nasty smell) I broke out laughing…mentioned the earlier smell, thinking it was one of them…glad we found the real stinker
SanityFound
•15 years ago
ROFLMAO I hate those situations lol @ the real stinker – you may enjoy this one
kwoneshe2
•15 years ago
I purpose a fart-off. (You & I will hide outside for safety reasons) I have a little West highland Terrier who can clear a room! haha Aren’t they awful???
vanessaleighsblog
•15 years ago
Yes, dog farts are like no other…… they clear rooms and create adverse reactions among humans…… our pup will actually look at her own butt when it comes out, kind of like, “That wasn’t me!”
Joy
•15 years ago
ROFLMAO!!!!! I had a dog like this once. You could NOT give her people food. Oh gawd!! Maddie has been known to emit a foul odor every once in a while too. Cute little thing that she is……I have tears in my eyes!!! You are to much!!!
SanityFound
•15 years ago
Kwoneshe2 ooo a fart-off!!! Most definitely will hide outside with gasmasks please coz you never know the reach of the stench phew – def pass out material! love Westies! Does yours talk as well?
Vanessa I can’t stop laughing that is too cute… erm what’s the saying… A fox smells its own smell first? rofl
Joy wait… I have a surprise coming for everyone… smally itty bitty … Maddie FARTS??? *shocked* hopefully not while wearing that dress I tell you!
deepsm25
•15 years ago
EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww yucksss!!!!
SanityFound
•15 years ago
HAHAHA Yeah now you can have the dog for a bit sheesh honer of note!
Kandi
•14 years ago
Love it! I so can relate, with 2 boxers they are known for passing gas. Even the cat gets up and to leave the room. One day I had a client in my home office and well it was a silent passer so we had a very interesting conversation from that point. Gotta love em!
April
•7 years ago
the crane was funny, smell the daffodils instead, i have been really knocked out by the dogs flatulence recently, need a reprieve, i have to push the dog off the bed sometimes, omg!