Well it is the morning of the move and once again I sit here and look around me. In three days plus I have managed to break down the past 28 years of my life into a few small boxes. Boxes of normal appliances, 10 black bags of the past all in the trash and 5 boxes to go into the future, one still to be packed… all in three days.
I still wonder how one accumulates the mementos, how we clutter up our living space and our mind with the past may it be good or bad. Why does one do this I do not know except for maybe wanting to hold on to it so that we know we were there, the good mementos so that during bad times we know that there will be good times again, the bad mementos so that we remember in the good times it can turn sour.
During the first day of the packing up expedition I found going through the past to be tormenting, at moments it ripped through the soul, shredding sanity. On the second day it numbed my soul, my mind and my spirit… I was without personality almost as if the stripping of the day before had taken my inner soul and wiped it clean. On the third day I awoke a new, gathering my true self around me… as the day wore on trials were thrown at me and I conquered them into annihilation… I had tried to bring along a bit of the past and the past let me know that I had to leave it in behind… the struggle continued as if I was not ready. Today, the fourth day, I am clean, as if day break has happened within the spiritual world… I have wiped the slate clean and my new life begins. The four days of cleaning out the cobwebs of the soul is almost complete.
In life we will always try to hold on to the good and the bad in our pasts, although it is not always constructive we find hope in the things we have been through, we find courage, happiness and sadness there all to carry us through the future. A clean slate, although torturous to start, go through and establish, is giving yourself a fair chance at the future. This said it does not mean that we forget the lessons we have learnt, the people we have encountered, the memories nor what it took to get to this place but rather it is putting it all into perspective.
Although I have been stripped clean I know that I will wonder back now and again to revisit the past, gather sources from it but this time it will be from internal sources that I will look upon not the material mementos that I have gathered.
Shedding the past is a process, often not done over night, impossible even in most cases. I am now heading into my intermediate phase, two weeks before I get on the plane and jet off into the future, it will be a trying time but one that is needed to complete the process. I may sound cold as I recount this the process of annihilating the past, but it helps to analyse the purpose of our actions in order to learn and see through the clutter of the mind. Odd I know but the perspective gained through it is priceless.
I bid you adieu as I head off into my fourth day and final day of the packing and chucking phase, I shall see you again on the other side when I firmly placed in the second.
… once again another rambling of a wondering soul but soon to be home…