Human nature, call it what you will, we humans seem to go through life gathering up a perception of how people are, a race, a gender, a culture, a nation. Before we know it this gathering becomes a mist before our perceptual eyes clouding our vision of the reality and truth of the person standing right in front of us.
Sad isn’t it?
How many opportunities of knowing someone great have we lost of that mist?
It is one of my pet irritants but I too am guilty of doing this. I realised a couple of years and not in a gentle manner either. I ended up hurting someone that I now treasure deep in my heart because I believed that they were just like all the other women in my life, oh how wrong was I!
I never trusted anyone, everyone was going to hurt me in some way it was just a question of when
Men were always not to be trusted because they were Jekyll and Hydes. One moment all sweet until they get what they want and then their true character pops out to say a big hello and crush your heart, be they brother, father, friend or partner, didn’t matter.
Women will always show love only to use it against you for their own gain. Manipulators to the extreme, worse than men, they’ll give you a one armed hug while the other is stabbing you deep in the back.
Those were my main clouds that have prevented me more times than I can count from getting to know great human beings. There are many of us that carry our pasts into our presents oblivious of the restrictions we put upon ourselves by doing so.
Men for instance get to know one type of woman and history repeats itself, a woman only wants their money, wants to use them for their own gain, critize, manipulate and all for their own gain.
Women believe perhaps as I used to, men can’t be trusted, just out for the shag and once they got it then they get real comfy. Men are adulterous and egotistical, manipulative and aggressive, they expect the women to do all the housework with little or no thanks, they expect women to be slaves.
There are many many “gripe-perceptions” as I call them, the list is endless upon endless…
Hand in hand with this mist goes the one where we start to get to know the person, perceptions in hand, waiting for them to prove us right. “Any moment now they are going to show us that we were right all along, that they are who we think they are not who they really are. Any moment“. A person will always meet what we expect them to because we will search high and low for any minuscule thing that fits our own agenda’s and by doing so we are doing the very thing we think they are doing. We are being the ones we think they are.
What if we take one person at a time and spend a few moments without our perceptions at our sides?
What would we find?
What if we were to look through everything we think they are and try to see who they really are?
What would we find?
No easy task but one I personally try to do each day that I awake. Through trying each day I have managed to meet some genuine people that most definitely do not meet my perceived ideas of who they should be.
If we aren’t careful we lose the very people in our lives that mean more to us than we realise with the gap in our lives only being felt once they have departed.
Sad isn’t it?
Deeps
•14 years ago
I just love the pictures…..and yes its sad that sometimes we do fail to read people for who they are however it happens vice versa as well. 🙂 It is sad!
Joy
•14 years ago
This is one of your better posts San. I loved reading it. Trust is a very hard thing if you’ve been hurt. I do feel trust is earned and if you give someone a reason not to trust you then you have to earn it back. Sad huh??
slightlyignorant
•14 years ago
Wise words… And so true! I couldn’t agree with you more – but then again, we must also forgive ourselves for having these perceptions, and shouldn’t beat ourselves over the heads for it. We’re creatures who learn by trial and error, and if we’ve erred about people over and over, it becomes harder for us to trust anyone new.
We need to try to remain open the the possibilty that we’ll be proved wrong and that the people we suspect will end up being wonderful despite our fears. We need to remember that if we keep everyone at arm’s length, they will remain there and we’ll find ourselves alone with nobody close.
It’s the hedgehogs dilemma – have you heard that little story? We’re like hedgehogs – the closer hedgehogs try to get to each other, the more they injure each other with their spines. The trick is getting close to someone and forgive the pricking – their faults – because we have our own faults as well.
Hayden Tompkins
•14 years ago
I used to think that everyone would let me down at some point. That was a HARD idea to reprogram.
vanessaleighsblog
•14 years ago
Who could blame any one of us? We don’t want to be hurt, to be trampled upon. So, if we have a history of being massively trampled upon, and abused, and discounted and abandoned, like yourself and many others here, it is no wonder that you no longer want to feel that way, or be the victim or that vulnerable again.
But, there are two things in your favor: free will, to make choices all along the way, which you didn’t have as a child;
And, many, many friends who are willing to see you through all of those moments of mistrust and uncertainty, because we all fall short at times, but those that truly love you will always be around, even when you feel you cannot trust.
Always in the wings, that is what it is all about……
Tremendous post, my friend.
fibi
•14 years ago
What a beautiful way to live.. Looking beyond what you see – to get to the soul of the person.. That’s what I aspire to..
Once again – your words are simply beautiful.
Sue
•14 years ago
Your posts are so insightful. I think it takes a lot for us to look at ourselves the way we truly are and admit it, but takes even more to decide to change that. Like Vanessa said, free will is in our favor.
psychscribe
•14 years ago
Incredible post San. I think for those of us who have been wounded so badly in childhood, the trick is to learn what others often instinctively know: we can trust people whose actions match their words.
DM
•14 years ago
I too loved the pictures. I haven’t been “burned” by too many people (yet) and have also discovered that some of the people who do have a reputation for not being trusted, will sometimes surprise you…(this is more in the business realm) that when you do cut them a little slack they to strive to live up to your trust.
When it comes to friendships, and more intimate relationships, heck, I don’t trust myself 100% so while I trust people, I’ve lived long enough to believe that any person is capable of anything given the right circumstances. JMHO
Amber
•14 years ago
Gosh… lovely lovely post honey. 🙂 Incredible writing…