South African Tourism Website Q&A

I am in the mood for a laugh so I thought I’d share these Questions and Answers from a Tourism site here in SA that I managed to get off GPSA. The questions were answered by the site owner. I laughed so hard I almost cracked a rib, I am still giggling away – perhaps it is just me that has gone insane *shrug*

*Hillbrow is one of the dodgiest places in South Africa, it is the place to go for things under the belt and then some…


Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

7 thoughts on “South African Tourism Website Q&A

  1. OMG
    these are priceless!
    When I was much younger , I attempted to hit all the Parks in America. I would always ask the people who worked there for their funniest stories..
    Some where priceless, Like the couple that whined that they should cut down more trees so you could get a better view???
    Or that they needed to widen the paths so you could walk holding hands…
    The man who bought tickets to take the “elevator” to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, couldn’t find the elevator..any idea where it’s at!??
    i needed this today..I!!

  2. ROFL OMG The man who bought tickets to take the “elevator” to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, couldn’t find the elevator..any idea where it’s at!?? PRICELESS!!! How excellent is that! I wonder if he ever found it! Sheesh ouch my sides are in stitches!!! Thanks for sharing that, oh man!

  3. This is hysterical, and yet, believable as far as what occurs to people in their minds about places and people………..I like the one about trying to find the girl he dated in 1969, but he would still need to pay her….. priceless!

  4. It’s amazing how sheltered all the different countries are from either other. To think they have these bizarre ideas that we have elephants roaming the streets and lions in our back yards. The media distorts the perception for all the people coming to SA. Yes we are a big backward and behind on technology but we certainly don’t live in the bush with the wild animals wearing leaves like Adam and Eve LOL.

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