As we go through life so often we dream the dreams of youth, the things we want to do in this life time but so often they fall by the way side, life takes us over and we lose track of what we once dreamed for.

While growing up we all have those dreams that are a part of us, they seem to be merged with our core person and who we are.  Since my earliest years I have always dreamed of three basic core things, one to help people, two to travel the world and finally to be free.  I know it sounds strange for a kid of 6 to start dreaming these three things but as I explained earlier it is almost as if our core personalities start coming through the dreams we have.  Now I know you’ll be wondering what the hell about the dreams of being a fireman or pilot have to do with this.  Perhaps those are figments of the TV or part of your core I do not know, what do you think?  What I am saying is if they stick with you, that you continue to think and dream about these things later on, in your adult life as well then perhaps they are indeed part of your core…

The first dream of mine, as I mentioned before, was and is to help people. My life was not condusive to me studding to be a therapist for many reasons – at the stage when education counted the most I was concentrating on other things as mentioned in my previous posts.  My pass rate at the end of school was not good enough and money always a problem.  I instead try to help the people I come into contact with, I listen with an open heart and never judge.  I have often been accused of caring too much about other people and not enough about or for myself.  I understand where these people are coming from, I really do but also wish that they understand where I come from – perhaps what I am about to say is totally warped and incorrect in the bigger scheme of things, if so please correct me or give me your views.  If my empathetic ways and my big heart are a part of my core personality how can it be so wrong?  I am getting off course again sorry…

My second dream was and is to travel the world, experience and learn different cultures, to see the world.  I have always told anyone that would listen that before I die I will at least set foot on all the continents of the world and that my biggest dream is to see every country of the world… yes probably an impossible feat.  Often this dream has caused me to pack up my bags in a heart beat, giving up my jobs at the time and just setting off.  So far I have actually not seen all that much of the world, in my younger years I got to live in Kenya and Saudi Arabia – the latter probably being the most strange due to the fact that not anyone can enter especially non muslims as I am.  At 21 I packed in my job in IT, got the back pack and set off to England – it was meant to be 2 years of working and travelling but I found myself getting involved with a boy with other plans.  I lived in London for the solid two years taking breaks to Paris and then a month in Brazil where I stayed in self catering travelling and living with the Rio de Janerians (an incredible experience)… Never the less I was and am disappointed in my self for not travelling more.  Music seemed to have taken possession of my soul as did this boy I was telling you about.  During those 2 years (2000 – 2001) I saw a total of 196 concerts and only 3 different countries.  Now I am in England once again on a new mission, I have a job but am currently fighting with the home office (albeit with nice expensive) lawyers to get a 5 year work visa.  Not only for the renewal of the dream of travel but also to continue the new found relationship with my younger brother and older sister.  My promise to myself is that should I get the visa I will pay off my debt and live out my dream, I will travel the world as I have always wanted to do.

The third dream comes into this last one, the dream of freedom, to do as I wish and to not be scared or ashamed of who I am in this world… not an easy accomplishment but one that is very close to my heart.  I have only started to work on this dream and it has caused me great heart ache in the process… all heart ache though is good at the end of the day because it means we are growing as people.  Towards the end of 2005 I walked out of 6 year relationship with the boy mentioned previously – I had in the end given up all my friends, my family, my hopes, dreams, everything for him and I was sick of it.  I needed to, forgive the cliche, find myself and in a big way.  I moved out with nothing but my clothes, went into major debt, got my own 2 bedroom flat, borrowed everything from a bed to a fridge, as I said I had nothing but the clothes I had… you may say that this sounds a bit drastic but not for me – once a decision is made I stick with it no matter what the risks are I make do.  So I eventually found myself with the freedom I had always wanted, not so easy at the end of the day with many up and down days but at the end of it I think I am getting closer to my dream… but I warn you this one is one of the hardest but also I feel most rewarding.

The moral of this incredibly long story?  No matter what your dreams are never give up on them, no matter how hard or unattainable they may seem follow them… if they have been with you for so long they can only be good for you, not the idol wishes of youth… go for what is in your heart, feel the things you feel and never give up the dream…

… another rambling from a wondering soul…