The time has come for me to return to South Africa with my life in the balance and in the hands of destiny once again. The 29th has crept up on me with such a sneaky surprise that I find myself once again numbed into submission. No, I am not done here and I am not ready to return but what must be must be. It is time in so many ways for me to go, I have overstayed my welcome on so many fronts… this is not what saddens me, rather the fact that I have failed in my attempt to start a life here in England. My brother also doens’t know that I am returning on Tuesday, I have not the courage within me to break it to him, he sobbed when I told him the news of my visa, how do I tell him that I am going and that I don’t know when Iwill be back.
Argh this life is so confusing sometimes – normally I run on intuition and pure instinct, if it feels right I do it no questions asked but now I find that it is all jumbled, there is no clear path in front of me just multiple cross roads leading to the oblivious, to a hazey horizon…
As I sit here and type I feel as if my life is not in my own hands anymore, the puppet master is having fun with me, playing with my destiny, moving me from left to right with the speed of light passing through the ozone layer without a single pause. Breathe I tell myself, hold tight for the path will appear before your eyes and the way ahead will find you… now just to hold on to that belief lol.
This trip to foreign lands has been one of the most memorable for me I’ll readily admit it. It has been such a relief on my system being out of South Africa, not having to close all the windows when you sleep in case someone climbs through, not worrying about the taxi’s on the road or the fact that most people now carry a gun with them in order to protect themselves, not worrying about travelling at hijack hour and just plain walking down the street not watching your back the whole time in case you get mugged… oh what a relief it has been.
I have been blessed in meeting some incredible people, more so that in my entire 29 years that I now add to my list of special friends, yes, GGG’s… there are more out there than ever possibly believed before. It saddens me that I am leaving them behind, that I don’t know when I will be seeing them again but I know that if the puppet master deems there will be a chance to see them again.
Tomorrow I find out the outcome of my interview, I will know whether my life hangs in the balance and hands of an immigration office once again or not… finally I will know where my life is heading!
Thanks to all of you for sticking with me, for all of your advice and thoughts… its almost over!
Ok now I’m in tears so going to sign off now