The noose of those in our lives that strangle the very life force from both your soul and your bones. In life you get the drainers or if you will chokers, they are the ones that want to control you, break your spirit down until it is mere shards lying scattered upon the ground. They take pleasure tightening the noose around your neck, inch by inch, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a huge jerk and pull, your oxygen dissipates.
I’ve had a noose around my head for as long as I’ve been able to take a breath of air and at times it was so tight that I could barely move let alone walk. This person used to throw guilt trips around while other mothers would throw candy. At times it was just there, hanging loosely, waiting for the next tug, the next moment of strangulation.
The driving force behind these peoples actions, for them putting the noose around our necks, is many but in my case it is the need. Pure need. The need to have control over something uncontrollable, the need for love, understanding, insecurity and the need to ward off loneliness, to feel worth while and happy. They put the onus on you for all things for which they can not find within themselves, they depend on you to the extent that if you set a toe over the border to your wants and your needs they try to reign you in.
It’s a constant battle of push-pull and what makes it worse is when the relationship with the noose is such that it makes it not so easy to just cut the rope from their hands and set yourself free.
The only way I can get rid of this noose is to don some high heels. High heels in life are those that lift you up, strengthen your spirit without draining your life force. Instead these people energize you and help you reach new heights.
Problem though is that once you start taking the noose off, cutting those ties, a tug of war ensues pulling you off balance (try walking in high heels for the first time and you will know what I talk of). The noose suddenly feels the slack in the rope and quickly grabs it with all force and tries their damndest to gain control once more. If you learn how to walk in those heels quick enough, strengthen your leg muscles and breathe it is possible to regain the balance. Difficult as it may seem, it is possible to learn how to walk.
Over the last year I’ve gained a few pairs of these high heels and they have helped stave off the power of the noose around my neck. I’ve had to relearn how to walk without the weight of the robe pulling my airways through. I’ve had to learn how to breathe again and to exercise my vocal and spiritual lungs. The noose didn’t like this much, not at all.
When I got on the plane to venture to lands I cut the rope between me and the noose but I failed to see a few strands still hanging in the balance. They are now being pulled tight in a pure panic and I can feel their need to pull me off balance and to the ground from which they will trample me. The fight is draining me spiritually but it is the showdown. In kung fu fashion I am trying to dodge and sever those last few ties in order to free myself to polish my heels.
The journey of noose and high heels is never an easy one, the transition from one to another can quite literally pull you off your feet. Your head goes with the noose and your soul with the high heels all in opposite directions.
It all starts with the realisation that the perfect pair of high heels exists, realising that not all of them will give you blisters or break your leg. If we search long enough we will find a few pairs of high heels that are so strong that they keep you off the ground while the tug of war ensues.
The noose is going to get a fright when they realise that it is pointless to hold on to those few strands still attached… I have my high heels on and I now know how to walk, run and jump in them. Sure they wobble a bit when I go really fast but then all I do during those moments is stop in my tracks. I stop and take a deep breath and walk slowly onwards until I regain my balance once more.
We all have that noose around our necks at one point in time, be it within ourselves or others, we all have felt that tightening shortness of spiritual breath. Who we associate with, who we allow into our lives as high heels, who we trust can be one of the most freeing experiences ever felt.
Do you have a pair of high heels? If not, perhaps they are close by just waiting for you to see their willingness to help you learn to walk. You got to want to eradicate the noose from your life enough to recognise the heels that will give you strength to leave.
Thank you to all my high heels, you know who you are and what you mean to me.