The noose of those in our lives that strangle the very life force from both your soul and your bones. In life you get the drainers or if you will chokers, they are the ones that want to control you, break your spirit down until it is mere shards lying scattered upon the ground. They take pleasure tightening the noose around your neck, inch by inch, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a huge jerk and pull, your oxygen dissipates.
I’ve had a noose around my head for as long as I’ve been able to take a breath of air and at times it was so tight that I could barely move let alone walk. This person used to throw guilt trips around while other mothers would throw candy. At times it was just there, hanging loosely, waiting for the next tug, the next moment of strangulation.
The driving force behind these peoples actions, for them putting the noose around our necks, is many but in my case it is the need. Pure need. The need to have control over something uncontrollable, the need for love, understanding, insecurity and the need to ward off loneliness, to feel worth while and happy. They put the onus on you for all things for which they can not find within themselves, they depend on you to the extent that if you set a toe over the border to your wants and your needs they try to reign you in.
It’s a constant battle of push-pull and what makes it worse is when the relationship with the noose is such that it makes it not so easy to just cut the rope from their hands and set yourself free.
The only way I can get rid of this noose is to don some high heels. High heels in life are those that lift you up, strengthen your spirit without draining your life force. Instead these people energize you and help you reach new heights.
Problem though is that once you start taking the noose off, cutting those ties, a tug of war ensues pulling you off balance (try walking in high heels for the first time and you will know what I talk of). The noose suddenly feels the slack in the rope and quickly grabs it with all force and tries their damndest to gain control once more. If you learn how to walk in those heels quick enough, strengthen your leg muscles and breathe it is possible to regain the balance. Difficult as it may seem, it is possible to learn how to walk.
Over the last year I’ve gained a few pairs of these high heels and they have helped stave off the power of the noose around my neck. I’ve had to relearn how to walk without the weight of the robe pulling my airways through. I’ve had to learn how to breathe again and to exercise my vocal and spiritual lungs. The noose didn’t like this much, not at all.
When I got on the plane to venture to lands I cut the rope between me and the noose but I failed to see a few strands still hanging in the balance. They are now being pulled tight in a pure panic and I can feel their need to pull me off balance and to the ground from which they will trample me. The fight is draining me spiritually but it is the showdown. In kung fu fashion I am trying to dodge and sever those last few ties in order to free myself to polish my heels.
The journey of noose and high heels is never an easy one, the transition from one to another can quite literally pull you off your feet. Your head goes with the noose and your soul with the high heels all in opposite directions.
It all starts with the realisation that the perfect pair of high heels exists, realising that not all of them will give you blisters or break your leg. If we search long enough we will find a few pairs of high heels that are so strong that they keep you off the ground while the tug of war ensues.
The noose is going to get a fright when they realise that it is pointless to hold on to those few strands still attached… I have my high heels on and I now know how to walk, run and jump in them. Sure they wobble a bit when I go really fast but then all I do during those moments is stop in my tracks. I stop and take a deep breath and walk slowly onwards until I regain my balance once more.
We all have that noose around our necks at one point in time, be it within ourselves or others, we all have felt that tightening shortness of spiritual breath. Who we associate with, who we allow into our lives as high heels, who we trust can be one of the most freeing experiences ever felt.
Do you have a pair of high heels? If not, perhaps they are close by just waiting for you to see their willingness to help you learn to walk. You got to want to eradicate the noose from your life enough to recognise the heels that will give you strength to leave.
Thank you to all my high heels, you know who you are and what you mean to me.
slightlyignorant
•14 years ago
I love the imagery you use to demonstrate your point here, Audrey. I think I know what you mean about these different sorts of people and I can sympathize. Good for you for finally severing the noose from your neck completely and walking on fashionably and confidently in your high heels, your comfy high heels!
Beautiful post as always :).
Hayden Tompkins
•14 years ago
I know I keep saying this, but you are beautiful. This is beautiful. I am full of joy when I see your strength and kindness and firm love.
Joy
•14 years ago
Holy smokes!! What an awesome post. Wowsers. Keep that noose away from you. DO YOU HEAR ME???? It’s a great way to explain it though. We all have a noose of some kind but not to the extent you DID. Keep those shoes nearby and get an axe to cut those last few strands of cord. It’s not love, it control.
I’m so glad your were you are. Cooking or not!
cordieb
•14 years ago
Wow, the imagery in this piece is awesome! Put on your high heeled pumps and strut your stuff with class!
Amber
•14 years ago
May they be Jimmy Choos those high heels of yours… do it in style I say girlfriend!
All I can say is that I have a huge smile on my face and an extra pair of scissors waiting for you any time you want them….. love you gf. You are doing great.
vishesh
•14 years ago
pull the noose so tight,
that to kill,it feels it has no right.
cut the ropes which bind
and take it away from the fiend.
No one can own
and for our sake we have borne
many an insult and hapless innuendo
but now this our life our crescendo.
The world shall be the world
and it can say it wants about us,herald
people can,passing on gossip,
but this our path,our trip.
Never drop the courage,
it is the best among the ripe vintage.
In you ,you know you are the strongest
and the light shines the brightest!
SanityFound
•14 years ago
SI they are indeed comfy shoes, these high heels of mine, keepers for life! Thanks you mwah
Hayden thanks hun, it means a lot to know that I have support such as you out there, it makes the journey that much easier just knowing. :hugs:
Joy *grins* I prefer a chainsaw lol mind you I don’t have ear plugs and I can’t stand the sound so axe sounds pretty good *grins* Thanks hun, means a lot!
Cordie thanks sis, I am strutting like a turkey am telling you… scept walls still attack me hmph!
Amber Jimmy Choos all the way I tell ya! Thanks sis, it means a lot to have that extra pair of scissors 🙂
Vishesh that was beautiful, thank you so much, it means more than I could ever put into words so here is a ball of warm fuzzies!
vanessaleighsblog
•14 years ago
The balance that you are maintaining while you continue on your life’s journey has become a true art form…….. you have come so far without looking back, and even when that noose tries to hang on, you will be ready, along with your posse!!!!
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwah!
bojinx
•14 years ago
Morning 🙂 I hear you… with the noose and high heels… Just wanted to share something that worked for me in the past…
Close your eyes and imagine your energy and their energy – you can almost see where they are entertwined, tangled, if you will. You can see the tentacles coming out from her, digging into you, wrapping themselves around you, around your neck… Now take these special energy trimming scissors, and gently, and with love and all those good intentions, trim them. Cut them gently… imagine the seperation, picture their tentacles waving about, with nowhere to go but back home, home to their real host. And if you want, imagine them going to the host to be used as crutches, crutches that still have the memory of you, but are used to help themselves… to hold the rest of the energy up, so it doesn’t just dissolve into a blob. Allow the memory to sustain it – the memory is strong, and should help their energy to stay up…
I have two pairs, I had to do some serious cutting in the past and well, I don’t need this pair right now, you’re welcome to use them as long as you need to… *hands over goldy silvery sparkley scissors*