No, really, why don’t they call me?!? Am I so despicable, so unlovable, and so pathetic that they don’t want to reach out to me?

How many times have you asked yourself this very question or thought about the latter part?

In truth, even the strongest people we know may have thought the same thing as us. It is not a unique thought pattern, nor are the feelings we feel abnormal. It can happen at the most random of times, when it is least expected, and in times when we are filled with a sense of loneliness. Regardless, we find ourselves wondering… Why don’t they call? or even text me?

Now, I know, some of you are saying to yourselves, “Well, why don’t you go and pick up the phone then instead of waiting on them?”. I’ll answer your question in a little bit. Hang tight.

The reality is far from what we perceive it to be. It is not because we are pathetic, unloved, unthought of, and [so many other feeling words]. Instead, the person could be going through their own version of hell. That friend or family member could be so stretched thin that their energy is too low to communicate outside of their own survival mode and reach into yours.

An even stronger reason, though, is quite possibly the fact that there are only so many times in a day that they can lie to people. Every time they get asked how they are doing… they use up their last shreds of energy, put on a bright smile, and say “All is well, blah blah blah”. Lying to strangers is far easier than lying to those we love and care about.

Take a breath. No, really. Breathe in deeply, hold it for a few seconds, and exhale slowly.

You are worthwile. You are important. Their world is not because of you; you are not the reason they do not contact you.

You are not the reason at all.

Instead of feeling all those dark, negative thoughts, take a moment to pause and reflect on what you know about the person. Think about their life and send a text without the expectation of a response. Tell them that you are thinking of them and that you hope that they are okay. Tell them that if they need an ear, they can call or text at any time. Send it and don’t expect a response. None.

Give the people who you feel slighted by with their absence the same thing that you wish others to do for you.

Be kind to yourself by being kind to others.

And if they never call or text you back?

Know that you did what you could as a friend, as a family member, and that they know how to reach you when they are ready. It may be days, months, or even years, but more often than not, when you do reconnect and hear their story, you’ll realise it was for an understandable reason, give them a hug, and smile.

~ Sanityfound